Nienna's Journey
by Angel From Above Is Here
Summary: Nienna is sent away by Eru to find some answers he thinks she needs. She spends some time in Imladris, discovering much about the valley's inhabitants and herself. But will that be enough? Will the answers she get fill her with dread or pleasure? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a story I wrote for my best friend's birthday. Despite the uncommon pairing, I decided to post it. Please let me know whether you liked or hated it, and why. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: I would be a lot richer if I owned Lord of the Rings.**

**1 A clinging ache**

All was silent. The absence of sound made the darkness seem like an impenetrable fortress, its invisible defenses holding against the sadness that was threatening to flood it from the inside as well as the outside. For beyond the time and space of Arda, tears were falling incessantly.

Nienna gazed over the large body of water without truly seeing anything. Her eyes, which were normally the bright blue of a cloudless sky, were now a stormy gray. Salty drops trailed a path down her face only to be accepted into the ancient lake. They were illuminated for the briefest second by the light of the stars before disappearing into the as of yet unmeasured depths.

For days the youngest of Eru Ilúvatar's children had sat on the same rock, not bothering to move. She was not hindered by the need for food or rest; the need to lament her own mistake was too large to even let her think about such unimportant things. Not even her brothers, whom she adored, had been able to persuade her to eat when they last visited her. Not even the gasp of breath at the state she was in had been enough to make her do more than drink the water they had offered her.

In her mind there was no doubt that she could not continue like this. Upon her arrival in this world, her father had given her the possibility to ignore pain, cold and hunger for extended periods of time, longer than Dwarves, Men or even Elves. But even the Ainur needed to consume food. That did not mean that she would give in before she was betrayed by her own body.

She snorted at her own choice of words; she was all too acquainted with betrayal. The memory of the pain it caused was so embedded in her mind that she woke with it and fell asleep with it. Betrayal had become her ever present companion since that faithful day so many years ago.

Even though Nienna was not susceptible to the cold, she shivered at the thought of what had happened at the night of the full moon so long ago. Melkor had suggested they meet at the very rock she was now sitting on. They had been at each other's side throughout many season, five years had passed since the day they had confessed their love for one another. That day would have been the beginning of their sixth year together.

Of course none of the other Valar had understood why she had given her heart to Melkor. They had been distrustful of him since the very beginning. Her brothers had begged her to take another, to be careful and not let her heart be broken. Varda had pleaded with her to see the evil in his heart, Manwë had told her that the road she had chosen would lead to nothing but pain. Vairë had merely shaken her head and said that Melkor was not the one she needed by her side.

Nienna had ignored them all; why shouldn't she? She was after all one of the most powerful amongst the Valier. She had been granted the possibility to make her own decisions. She had met Melkor that night, beside an ancient oak tree. His hands had been as gentle as she had imagined they would be as he guided her to the ground. Long they spoke of the past and the future, and the more he spoke the more she realized she wanted to experience the future with him beside her. Only years later would she realize that it had been the first time he would betray her.

It came as no surprise to the others, as she had lost her heart to him long before that. But the whispers only increased. There was word of dark thoughts biding their time inside Melkor's mind. Of threats as of yet unuttered but always on his lips. As was the right thing to do, she stood by her lover. And for four years it seemed that their love would be stronger than the barely hidden looks and the whispered words. In his arms, listening to him saying that he loved her, she was content.

But when the fifth year of their relationship began, Melkor became more distant. His once warm embrace began to feel forced; it was no longer the source of comfort it once was, instead it was by that time a meaningless gesture. The Dark One was no longer as beautiful. The shimmer as of a thousand dark gems catching the light of the sun and moon disappeared. His nails grew to be sharp weapons. He no longer smiled, only grimaced. His nearly black eyes no longer twinkled.

The rumours gradually grew stronger, yet she refused to believe them. She refused to see what those around her could no longer ignore. There were still enough signs that he loved her, albeit barely.

During their last night together, however, she had seen the error of her ways. Melkor had taken her for a walk underneath the star-strewn skies, wanting to enjoy her company and needing to talk about something. Her heart had fluttered, believing that he might ask her to bind with him. It would explain why he had behaved so oddly as of late.

But when they were in one of the darkest corners of the lands around the home of the Valar and Valier, he began to speak of power. He told her it had been given to them to use. She answered that she was well aware of that, not knowing where the conversation would take them. He questioned whether that was really so. Her heart began to pound harder at those words, her demand to clarify what he meant did not sound as powerful as she had wanted.

It was then that he told her that he believed the Valar and their female counterparts were using their powers in the wrong way. Why, he asked, should they use their powers to bring to life trees whose fruits would never be theirs to eat? Why should they restore order to a land they would never roam and that would soon be the subject to the disturbances of Elves, Men and even Dwarves? Together, they could overthrow the others and take what was rightfully theirs, he whispered.

She could not believe her ears. All of the whispered words came back, and a part of her recognized them to be true; he had indeed only wanted her powers, not her. None of it had been real. But another part of her had wanted to give him one last chance to prove her wrong. So she had offered him a choice: either he chose her, or he pursued his dreams of power.

Melkor chose power. All her strength was drained as he made the decision, she fell down to her knees. She had fought her fear for so long that she was too weak to even beg him to change his mind. She did not even fight when Melkor drew a blade and promised to make her stay by his side.

Irmo, her youngest brother, arrived just in time to stop Melkor from drawing all of the blood he needed to bind her to him. He took her home with nothing more than a thin line of blood trickling down her arm.

Or at least so he thought. Nienna did not speak to anyone for almost two months. She hardly ate and drank, her already pale skin grew even whiter. She became thin, too thin. Her legs refused to carry her, the strength would not return to her after it had fled her when she had needed it most. And she trusted no one beside both of her brothers.

Fortunately, she managed to turn away from the road to destruction she had set foot onto. Slowly, her appetite returned. Her hair regained its usual shine, as did her skin. She was no longer as fragile and unnaturally pale. Her brothers were relieved to see her healthy once again, as were her friends.

But they soon discovered that Nienna was not at all done grieving. Until the moment Melkor broke her heart, she had been joyous, a bright presence despite being called She who Weeps. Now, she lived up to her name and shed numerous tears. She began to frequent Námo's halls, where she sought out the souls who were the most distressed and helped Námo to make them whole again.

And every year, there would be periods during which no one would be able to make her eat or speak. They were the anniversaries of the day their relationship began and ended. For thousands of years things had continued like this.

This though made her return to the present; yes, things had been like this for far longer than she wished to remember, and the position she was in today made her admit to herself that nothing had as of yet changed. And probably wouldn't be changing any time soon.

Lightly shaking her head, she tried to ward off the feeling of impending doom that threatened to overwhelm her. Every day she had wished that Melkor would disappear from her life, that she would wake up and find he was never coming back. Yet he had never had the courtesy to fulfill those dreams.

Suddenly, she was brought back to the present when Námo stepped in front of her. Irmo was right behind him, less frightening but every bit as powerful as his older brother. They waited patiently for her eyes to focus on them before each taking one of her hands in their own.

"Eru Ilúvatar had sent us here to inform you he wants to see you. Please, Nienna, rise. Please," Námo said.

It took a few second for his words to penetrate the fog that was clouding her thoughts; she lost almost every connection to reality whenever she was trying to stay afloat in this particular sea of sadness. Slowly, though, the meaning of the words became clear.

Nienna nodded. Swallowing convulsively, she allowed her brothers to pull her to her feet. It was only because of the strong hold they had on her hands that she did not fall to the ground, as her legs were no longer accustomed to carrying her weight after sitting down for nearly a week. The world spun a little as she took her first step.

"Come, sister," Irmo whispered, gently squeezing her hand. There was encouragement in his tone as well as a small hint of fear.

Breathing in and out a couple of times eased the dizziness. From experience she knew that her physical strength would also return, but that it would take several days for her body to be free of the consequences of her journey into darkness.

"You can move. I can walk now," she hoarsely told her brothers. Her voice was almost unrecognizable. It was raw, fragile and barely more than a whisper. It sounded far more like nails scratching over iron than it ever had before.

When Irmo opened his mouth to protest, Námo shook his head. It was obvious the elder of the three siblings was eager to get to their father as soon as possible. There was no fear in his eyes, only acceptance. Nienna was very aware that Námo's wife, Vairë, knew all there was to know apart from what Eru had not yet chosen to reveal. He might know something no one else was aware of at this point.

Under different circumstances, Nienna would have asked him about his knowledge. She was a curious and intelligent creature, after all. But she was too fatigued. And truth be told, she had had enough of it. This everlasting pain had to come to an end or it would drive her insane. Maybe that was what Eru was about to do, help her put an end to this maddening pain.

Under Námo's guidance they began to walk again, silently putting one foot in front of the other. There was no need to speak, no need to even think. Their feet knew where to carry them, they only had to lift them and put them back down.

It seemed as if they continued to do this endlessly. Because of the darkness they were in it was hard to see any difference in the landscape around them. The grass beneath their feat rustled in the same way over the entire distance, there were trees and plants everywhere. Even the scents were the same for the biggest part of the walk towards Eru's house.

Finally, the air began to feel different. It felt purer, there was a melody being carried on it that inexplicably drew them towards the only stone structure in these parts: the house of Eru, where he lived with all those he had created before Arda had come into existence. The air curled around them, welcoming them home.

The long walk had tired Nienna. The stone were oddly out of shape, their edges blurring and their forms overlapping with one another. She knew very well that it was only a trick her mind was playing because of the fatigue, but the Fëanturi's sister was annoyed by it anyway. Life had been unkind to her for far too long, and she was through with it. She grinded her teeth, pushing on. Despite her stubbornness and her desire to stay upright, she stumbled.

"Námo, stop!" Irmo called out as his brother ignored it and pulled their sister further towards the gates, anger clearly audible in his voice. His eyes burned brighter than normal, as if the dark irises had been set alight.

Irmo was always the one most easily worried about his brethren's safety. For some reason the middle child always knew what to say when his elder brother and sister were on the verge of voicing yet another disagreement. If either one of them needed someone to listen to them, he was there. During the past years, he had even managed to help his sister and brother discover some common ground between them. It had made the three of them rather inseparable.

"She cannot go on like this. At least have the courtesy to carry her or to let me do it if you do not wish to wait," Irmo reasoned.

More than hearing it Nienna could feel Námo release a shuddering breath. He loosened his hold on her and lifted her chin with his hand so he could look right into her eyes. Those grey orbs were kind, far less scary than Irmo's in fact. They held love, a proud gleam and worry, as they most often did.

What he was looking for she did not know, but Nienna let him. In spite of the disagreement they had had when they were younger, Námo had always been the one she trusted most; Irmo was a close second, but even though he was her brother she would not deny there was something strange about him at certain times.

Suddenly, Námo spoke again. "I will carry her." The words were spoken softly, as if they were meant to put her at ease. And they did. Her brother was strong enough to carry her, to protect her in some way until she was in front of Eru himself. What she needed to be protected from she did not know, but there was no need to find out.

Nienna closed her eyes and buried her face against Námo's shoulder as soon as he had lifted her. Grabbing a hold of his clothing, she tried her best not to shiver because of the cold she should not even have been able to notice. Never before had she been so convinced that something was about to happen, something she had no control over whatsoever.

"Everything will be alright in the end, Nienna. I promise," Námo's voice suddenly washed over her. The words were spoken so softly that she was certain Irmo could not have heard them. Like all that was happening, they did not make much sense. Yet they calmed her, warmed her.

Opening her eyes, she looked up at him. Most Men and Elves were convinced that his face was a cold, unreadable mask that he never failed to keep in place, but that could not have been further from the truth; there was never anything but sympathy, kindness and warmth. However, Death was a powerful entity to them, and that should never change.

She had wanted to say something when she opened her eyes, but she could no longer remember what. It was no longer important either, so she simply extended one of her hands to pull Irmo closer. Námo was right. Everything would be alright eventually. As long as she had her family.

Irmo tucked a strand of her hair behind her elegantly pointed ear. The gesture reminded her of the days when she was naught more than a scared young creature who did not understand the grandeur and splendor around her. Her brothers had taught her, had helped her grow.

Her thoughts wandered as Námo used the strength of his will to open the heavy wooden doors. Through darkness and light they wandered, through memories of nights spent learning about the skies, the rivers, the flowers and the stars and through memories of her first visit to her eldest brother's halls. She remembered Irmo patiently explaining the magic of music, something Nienna was very fond of. Music was as natural a way of communicating as talking was among the Valar, after all.

But the most important reason why Nienna loved to sing was that she was not at all good at handling emotions. Even as one of the Ainur it was difficult to express how she was feeling. During the first year of her relationship with Melkor she had often resorted to singing when she was unsure how to say what she was feeling. Slowly, she had become more confident, yet music was still the means of communicating she felt most comfortable with.

And her voice was beautiful too, even though she was saying so herself. Ulmo often told her that to him her songs were not so different from the songs of the sea. The sound of the waves hugging the shores or washing over the rocks beneath the surface was in the sound of her voice, according to him.

With her face still hidden in her brother's tunic, she smiled. Ulmo was her best friend. She was close to all of Eru's children, but Ulmo seemed to understand what drove her to do the things she did when no one else could comprehend her motives. They shared a love of silence and water and often swam together. Or at least they had done so before Melkor had captured her heart.

Now that she came to think about it, Melkor had cost her quite a few things. Her friendship with Ulmo had suffered under his unwillingness to share, though he had not been able to separate them completely. He had taken away six years of her life that she could never get back. He had broken her heart, had scarred her soul.

By the way her brother tightened his hold on her and began to tread more carefully, she could tell that they had reached the stairs towards Ilúvatar's most private chambers. Only when there were urgent matters to be dealt with were they allowed to enter them. Else, they could speak with him in the western corner of his gardens.

Why was it that her actions had worried him enough to invite them there? He was her creator, her father, but that did not mean he ought to worry about everything she did. Surely she was by now wise enough to lead her life as she saw fit? Then again, it was a parent's right to worry about their offspring.

Nienna noticed the throbbing in her head, which had started yesterday, had still not abided. Strangely enough she had not paid any attention to the small discomfort until now. That was the way it always was: she would ignore everything and let the memories assault her in the hope of finally being able to put them to rest.

Unfortunately, it seemed that she would need some more time to do that. It became a little easier to not be weighed down by those images, yet they still hindered her in many a way. She did not easily trust, she had drawn up some heavily guarded walls around her heart and she had become so quiet and withdrawn that it was easier being on her own than dealing with the difficulties having a conversation brought with it.

They reached the top of the flight of stairs. Irmo, who had let go of her hand to enable Námo to climb the stairs more easily, now appeared by her side again. He did not look at her, though. His eyes were fixed on the door at the end of the hallway they had stepped into.

These doors were wooden as well, but they were less heavy than the ones downstairs. The silver lock and key dangling from them were absent from the other door, though. Nienna had never understood why Eru had done that; there was no need to have a lock on any door here. They were all friends with the best intentions. And it was even stranger after encountering a door that could not be locked first. But she had given up on trying to understand Eru. His mind was far more complex than that of her youngest brother, and Irmo's was already far more complex than their fellow Valar's minds.

Irmo made to knock before pushing the doors open, but he had not even raised his hand when Eru's voice already called out to them.

"Enter," was the one word he uttered. In it, there was such strength that any lesser being would have fallen down onto their knees. Yet the Valar had come to understand that his bark was worse than his bite, as Men would say. Eru often raised his voice when they did something he believed to be incorrect or unjust, but he hardly ever punished them.

Námo carried her inside, but lowered her to the ground as soon as the doors began to close behind them. The reason why was obvious: all of the Kings and Queens of the Valar had gathered; he did not want them to think she was weak. She shook her head almost imperceptibly. Her brothers never seemed to see that she could take care of herself and that it really did not matter what the others thought of her.

She shrugged of the hand Irmo placed on her shoulder; she would walk towards Eru alone. After all, she would have to stand in front of him by herself. Her knees felt wobbly, she was well aware that she was shaking. But she made it eventually, and Eru gave her all the time she needed.

As soon as she was in front of him, he began to speak. She had expected as much, so the question he asked her came as no surprise.

"Do you know why you are here?" he wanted to know. There was no malign intent in his words, he simply desired a straightforward answer. So that was what she gave him.

"I do. You fear for my wellbeing," she told him. It was obvious from the look in his eyes that she was right, and she was silently pleased with him for not hiding behind a mask. It made the conversation a lot more pleasant.

"I do, my daughter. You look as pale as the snow on Oiolossë, your hair no longer shines as brightly as it once did. But what speaks louder than any of the other signs of how badly you are coping, are your eyes. They are empty," he said.

Nienna staggered backwards as if she had been pushed. It was true that she had lost weight and was paler than before, but she had not yet noticed that her eyes were not the mirrors to her soul they usually were. Not even the reflective surface of the lake she had spent the last week by had told her that. It was the most shocking thing Eru could have told her.

She quickly stabilized herself. She had gotten herself into this situation, she ought to get herself out of it. Accepting what Eru told her was the beginning of that. Changing it was the next step. Taking steps in one direction or the other was what her life has consisted of for the last thousand years, she knew she could do it. She only hoped that it wouldn't be as it had been so far, being able to take one step forward only to be forced to take two steps back.

"Amin hiraetha, hîr nin. I should not have neglected my needs. You taught me better than that," she said.

And it was the truth. Eru had taught all of them that they could not help others if they did not help themselves first. He had taught them that they needed to keep up their own strength to be able to help others regain theirs. Not that they often meddled in the affairs of the firstborn or the second born, just often enough. Or at least that is what Eru would say when he sent one of them out to meddle.

"Indeed you should not have done that. But the past cannot be reversed, no matter how much we wish to do so. Which is why we are not here to discuss what has already happened, but what has yet to happen," he said.

They were here to discuss the future? Did that mean that Eru wanted her to stop spending a week in seclusion at the side of the lake every year? How odd that he should call her here to tell her that.

"Would I be allowed to ask what you mean by that, my Lord?" she asked, doing everything she could to sound more in control than she felt. Her heart was pounding; her throat was dry.

For a moment Eru did not speak. Instead, he gazed at her intently; those gray orbs were fixed on her with such intensity that a tingling sensation coursed through her. She too kept silent, allowing Ilúvatar to search for whatever it was he needed to find. There was no point in disturbing him, and she did not want to disrespect him in any way.

"I shall answer that question, as the answer is rather simple; I do not wish to see you put yourself through such an ordeal again next year. I had hoped you would finally come to your senses and end your dalliance with the darkness, but you did not. Therefore, I shall now break the bond between the two of you," he said.

Nienna's head reeled. Since when did she have a bond with the darkness? With sadness, yes, but with the darkness? Her need to be alone drove her to the lake where there was only starlight, yet that did not seem to be what her father was referring to. Asking him about it would not help her any further, though; it was obvious from his tone of voice that he would not answer her question.

"And how would you see that done, hîr nin?" she inquired, hoping that this was a question he would answer.

"I will send you on a quest to find the answers you need, daughter-mine. For no one else can find them for you," came the reply.

This was something else she had not been expecting. During all of the long years of her life he had been her instructor, aided by the other Ainur. And now he was telling her that he could not give her the answers she needed. And to which questions? Surely she would know if she had any, wouldn't she?

She shook her head for the second time since entering Eru's private chambers. He would do as he saw fit and bothering him would be of no use. She had learned that lesson long ago already. Focusing on Eru again she realized that he was waiting for her to speak.

"When will I be leaving?" she asked, instinctively knowing he was talking about a journey in the true sense of the word, physically as well as mentally.

"You will be leaving as soon as you have said your goodbyes. There is no knowing when you will return, after all," he spoke calmly.

Had she had the energy, she would have snorted at that last sentence. As it was, she let it pass her by. There were more important matters to be dealt with than being annoyed with Eru. She needed to say a few things to her brother before leaving.

She walked towards them, still a little out of balance. Their hands were hanging uselessly by their sides, but that changed as soon as she was close enough; she was pulled into a hug by the both of them at the same time. Their hold on her was tighter than it usually was, but she did not complain about it.

"Promise me you will look after each other," she whisperingly pleaded, her head buried between them so they would both hear her.

"We will," they said simultaneously, making her smile.

She let go of them, knowing that she should be going. And she did not like long goodbyes; they hurt too much, and she had suffered enough for multiple lifetimes as it was. She did not want to add to her own burden, or her brothers. They would miss her as much as she would miss them.

There was no need to say anything else. They had given her what she needed and she hoped she had been able to give them what they needed. It would be all they had until she returned.

"I am ready," she told Eru, who had watched the exchange between the siblings with rapt attention.

Ilúvatar smiled at her warmly. He gestured for her to come closer, which she did without complaining.

"Close your eyes, child of mine. When you open them, you will be at the beginning of your road," he said.

She obediently closed her eyes. As soon as she did, she felt herself fall into the darkness that was suddenly everywhere.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is where the story truly starts, dear readers. I hope you'll enjoy reading this chapter as much as I liked writing it. Please tell me why you did or did not like it so I can improve my writing. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. And I never will, either.**

**2 The malfeasance of tears**

When Nienna opened her eyes, she found herself amidst the trees. Being one of the Valier, she was very adept at listening to what nature had to tell her. In this case the soft trembling of the leaves was interrupted every once in a while by the sound of birds and other creatures of the forest preparing to begin their day. Nothing disturbed their routine. There was no one else around.

A few feet to her right, there was a path. It was very narrow, nearly invisible because of the plants growing at the side of it as their leaves were draped over it. Despite that, she could see that there were stones set alongside the pat and that there were some footprints visible. This path was used regularly. If she wanted to find out where Eru Ilúvatar had chosen to send her, she should follow the footsteps. There was nothing else to do, after all.

With all of her senses trained on her surroundings, she began to walk towards the foot of the hill. It seemed unlikely that anyone would build higher up, and if she did not encounter anyone at that side of the hill she would just have to retrace her steps. How else would she manage to find the answers Eru was convinced she so desperately needed?

One part of her was displeased at having been sent away. The other part reveled in it; some time away from all she knew might just be what she needed to learn how to move on after Melkor's betrayal. The faces of the other Ainur reminded her too much of his face to grant her peace.

The sun suddenly broke through the dense roof of leaves above her head. Looking at the patch of sky she could see, she noticed that dusk would soon set in; a few more hours were all she had to find somewhere to rest, whether it be a cave or a house. Else she would have to spend the night out in the open.

Unfortunately there was no natural form of shelter to be seen. The trees were sturdy despite their age, their trunks did not offer a makeshift bedroom. And there were no masses of rock. She thought about her options: build herself a room with the fallen branches, leaves and other resources the wood had to offer or search for a town nearby. If she built the room, it would take her time. And that meant that she would not be able to continue down the road if she decided it was too much of a bother.

Truth be told it wasn't that hard to figure out what she should do. Eru might have returned much of her former strength to her but he had not restored her energy levels completely. Dragging the wood towards this clearing and constructing a room would take more time and energy than she had.

That did not mean that the road to the closest city would not take its toll on her. It might be tens of miles from there; she had no idea where she was or who she would encounter. Elves, Men or Dwarves? Would they recognize her?

As soon as that formed, she realized they would. Her hair was so long it reached down to her knees. There was no Elf on Arda who had hair that long, it was one of the characteristics that separated her from them. She always wore her hair in a single braid, as Melkor had liked it down. The second things that made her stand out, were her eyes. They would change colour to show how she was feeling. When she was angry, they became a reddish brown. When she was happy, they were as blue as the summer sky. When she was sad, they turned a stormy shade of gray. It wouldn't even take whoever she met a day to realize she wasn't normal.

She sighed; why were things never easy? _Mayhap there is no real reason_, she mused as she continued walking. She wouldn't put it past Eru to allow the existence of the cold and illness Melkor had invented simply to see what the effects would be. But mayhap she was simply hoping he could be cruel because it would make her feel less guilty about wanting to hurt Melkor every once in a while.

The forest around her remained dense, which prevented her from discovering anything about the terrain around the mountain she was descending from. But she could clearly smell smoke from the fires that were used to cook, despite the distance. This was a relief, as this meant there was some sort of society nearby.

Suddenly, Nienna halted; the sound of voices reached her ears, coming from between the trees on her left side. They were raised, their owners did not know there was someone listening. They had no reason to believe anyone would be, as there were only winged and four-legged creatures inhabiting these woods.

There were two options: make her presence known or remain hidden. If she walked up to them they might be able to take her to the nearest village and give her a place to rest. At least if their hearts were true. If she stayed hidden, she would not be at risk and she could attempt to find out more about the inhabitants of the village.

The voiced became even more agitated now. Whoever was speaking was not doing all that well; the words were unsteadily spoken despite the volume and there was an obvious note of fear to them.

"So this is what's been eating at you. You are going to leave with the group of warriors riding out tomorrow and you were not planning on telling me."

Nienna cringed; there would be a high price to pay for the other Elf involved, that much was certain. But that was nothing she should concern herself with. What mattered to her was that they were elves, which meant they would not be as overwhelmed by her presence and a Man would be.

She pushed some of the vegetation aside so she could move closer towards the voices. It didn't take her too much of an effort, which she was grateful about. She had had some rather difficult experiences in forests like these, after all.

"Of course it has been eating at me! I've been trying to gather the courage to tell you for weeks; I don't want to leave you behind or hurt you, and I'm doing both at the same time," the second voice said.

She was close enough now to sense their present a little further ahead. It shocked her to realize how very much alike the energy these two Elves were emitting was. The array of emotions coursing through them was very similar as well: pain, sadness, uncertainty, love and in the case of one of them, anger. It had never occurred to Nienna that two beings could be nearly impossible to tell apart.

When she pushed some more low branches aside, she discovered that their appearance was as alike as their emotions and voices were; the two Elves standing at the other side of the clearing she now stood on were identical twins.

Suddenly one of them noticed her. His eyes widened, the hands that were lifted to punctuate the words he had spoken before now fell to his sides. The second Elf moved in front of him as if he considered Nienna to be a threat, which surprised her. As far as she knew she did not look that frightening.

Nienna lifted her hands, turning the pals outward in the universal sign of peace. The twins' shoulders became a little less tense even though it was obvious they still did not trust her. Nienna moved no closer, opting to speak first. It might put them more at ease, which would be beneficial.

"I am sorry to disturb your peace," she said, keeping her voice as soft as she could. "But I was looking for someone who might direct me to the nearest village. It is my first time around these parts."

She was painfully aware of how odd the phrasing must have been, how strange it had to be for the twins to be addressed in such a manner by someone they did not know. But she did not have the slightest inkling as to how else she might have spoken to them. It was always like this when she met the Firstborn or Second born, the initial insecurity flared up every time.

"The nearest city would be Imladris. We ourselves live there. You could journey back with us if you like. It isn't that far, we could make it in under four hours if we do not stop," one of the twins said.

"I would like to travel with you very much. It is kind of you to look out for a lonesome stranger. But since we will be spending some time together, I believe we should introduce ourselves. My name is Nienna," she said.

She cleverly left out the part that she was one of the Ainur. She was not entirely sure it was wise to keep that knowledge to herself, but she was tired of always being treated with the utmost respect simply because was one of the Valier. Outside the circle of her fellow Ainur she had not met anyone that had wished to befriend her. Most respected her for who she was and feared her because she was the sister of the Doomsman. Maybe this time would be different.

"We know who you are. The glow around you told us that as soon as you stepped onto the clearing. But do not worry. Apart from my father, his Seneschal, his Chief Advisor and the two of us no one will notice it. My name is Elladan, by the way," the twin on the right said. There was no judgment in his voice as he spoke.

"And I am Elrohir. My brother is right about the other Elves. And even if they did notice, they would see it as an honour to have you in their midst. They would not be afraid of you at all," Elrohir said.

She bowed her head in acceptance of his words. If the other inhabitants of Imladris were anything like these two she would be pleased to spend some time there. She could already feel the energy flowing through her now that she was in a new environment where she could learn new things. She had always enjoyed studying and discovering things, to the utter annoyance of her brothers, whom she had often turned to in search of answers to her questions.

"We should leave. That way we can join our father, Lord Elrond, for diner. If you have any questions, we will answer them while we walk," Elladan said.

Elrohir looked at him glaringly, but did not open his mouth. The tension between them was thick enough to slice. Nienna was greatly reminded of her brothers when they were arguing. She wondered whether these two were always like this or that it would blow over just as quickly as it did between Námo and Irmo.

"That would be fine with me. Your father will need time to find a room that I can sleep in and I wouldn't want to be any more of a burden to him. I have nothing to offer him in return for his hospitality, after all," she told them.

"He will not be expecting anything in return, the respect you are already according him will be more than sufficient. And he will not need long to find you a room. Our sister is living with our mother's parents and her room is not being used; I think he will let you use it. It is close to ours should you need anything and it is well-kept," Elrohir said.

Elladan gestured for them to start moving. Elrohir was the last one to follow that silent order, opting to walk on Nienna's left side while his brother did the same on the right side. Nienna felt like she was being used to create some distance, but she did not say anything. If this made them happy she would comply.

"It would be an honour to get her room for the time of my stay. An honour I have no right to believe he will accord me. His daughter is more important than I am. Any room will do. I am not that difficult," she quickly assured them.

Elladan laughed and Elrohir was tempted to a small snigger as well. Nienna realized the brothers were no longer truly angry with each other, but that neither one was ready to admit it just yet. In less than an hour they would probably be walking side by side again, she was certain of it.

"We were not trying to make you believe you were difficult, my lady. We were merely saying that finding you a room will be no hardship. And our father would accord any guest that same honour. That is the way he is and we would not want him to change at all," Elladan said.

After that, they both fell silent. Nienna did not mind this at all; she spent most of her days listening to her surroundings, as she was quite adapt at reading others and did not often require words. It came in handy whenever the one she was with did not know how to explain what was going on or when she was dealing with someone not inclined to speak. It could also be a burden, as some believed it was unjust that she should know so much about them whilst they knew nothing about her.

Soon, the trees appeared with greater distances in between. That was the first indication that they were nearing the foot of the mountain, as was the fact the road was no longer as steep and glimpses of green grass beside the mountain were shimmering through the leaves. The scenery was truly beautiful.

"You obviously care greatly for your father, you respect him. He must be an amazing father," she eventually said in an attempt to get some sort of conversation going again.

It was Elrohir who answered her question, as she could have predicted. As he reached for the low-growing branches she was holding out of the way so they wouldn't hit his legs he began to speak. There was a warmth in his voice that told her he truly loved his father.

"He is amazing. No matter how busy he was tending to the Valley, he would always make time for us. We often went to the Bruinen or took long walks. On a few occasions he even took us camping among the hills in the south. Our sister loved our outings as much as we did. She was a daring creature, and that has not yet changed, much to ada's dismay. And even now we're adults, he is always there for us when we need him and he still makes it a point to know everything there is to know about our lives," he smiled.

"Your father reminds me of my oldest brother. Námo took care of me as if a were his daughter and not simply his sister, and Irmo wasn't that much better. They quickly developed the annoying habit of knowing what I want or need before I know myself. And they are always there to guide me if I need them," she confessed.

Elladan smiled at that as well. Nienna was well aware she was attributing many qualities to her brothers that no one would ever associate with them. Yet she could not help it; she was simply telling the truth, no matter how improbable it sounded.

As the brother seemed to have fallen silent again, she allowed her mind to wander. Of course it immediately turned to what kind of place Imladris might be. Judging by the twins' behaviour and what they had told her about their father, the inhabitants had to be quite gentle and respectful, yet not overly so. It sounded like she would be able to settle in nicely and might be able to make some friends.

Before Nienna knew it they were at the foot of the mountain. A path led away from it, she noticed. By the looks of it, it wasn't being used by Men very often. It was too undisturbed, the herbs along the side were growing whichever way they pleased.

The second two hours passed by without much talking by any one of them. They were content to keep their attention on the ground beneath their feet and the trees, herbs and plants around them. The lack of conversation did not make Nienna feel unwelcome. In fact, she enjoyed not having to explain anything. Most would be now have asked thousands of questions, but these two were assessing the situation first. She really did appreciate that.

"Do you have any idea how long your stay will be?" Elladan suddenly questioned. By now they were quite a distance away from the mountain. Nienna guessed that they had already been on the road for two and a half hours, which meant that there was more than an hour left to go.

"Not really. Eru sent me here because he believes I need to gather some information. He did not tell me which information exactly, or where to find it. I might only stay a few days, I might stay a few years," she admitted.

If the twins were surprised, they did not show it. Maybe it was their elven heritage, maybe it was something else, but they simply returned to the taciturn state they had been in before. And Nienna was by that time really forced to admit she had been wrong. The brothers were still not talking to each other.

Her surroundings changed ever so slightly as time went by. Only half an hour after leaving the mountain side this could no longer be denied. There were more trees again, the path became nearly invisible. The sound of a river reached her ears.

"That is the Bruinen," Elrohir said as soon as he noticed she had heard it. "We need to cross it to reach Rivendell. The river is beautiful, but also functions as one of Imladris' defenses. Once we are on the other side it will take very little time to get you to the Last Homely House. We will reach it long before dinner is served."

Merely a few minutes later she caught the first glimpse of the river. The water was crowned with white foam, innumerable sparks in every colour known to Men, Elves and Dwarves were shooting across the surface. Now she understood why Elrohir had not yet grown used to this beauty. It was too changing to grow accustomed to.

After two more turns in the road it was time to step into the water. It made Nienna feel right at home. She felt at peace around water, no matter whether it was a river, a lake or the sea. The tranquility she experienced when she was near water could not be matched by anything else.

This made her think of Ulmo, as water inevitably did. He was the one who had taken her to the side of the sea in Aman as soon as it had been formed so she could watch the gulls and the waves, smell the salty wind blowing in from the sea. He had explained to her that being in the water made him feel at home; his heart belonged to the water. He had known that as soon as he had begun to play his part in Eru's music. Without water it was as if he could not breath.

Nienna had quickly discovered that to her water was almost as important. Dancing in the rain, swimming or being near water made her forget the things Melkor said or did to her. It made her stronger. But she did manage to breathe without it.

Still, she often joined Ulmo at the side of the water. Their friendship had begun there and whenever she needed someone to talk to she would just sit down, dangling her feet in the water while she waited for Ulmo, who would without mistake turn up within seconds. It had become their place to meet. Water carried both of their secrets, some of which they could not even share with each other.

She quickly pushed that thought away. There was no need to go down that road. She would only start doubting most of the decisions she had made in the last few thousand years and that would not be a good start of her stay here.

Suddenly, she was brought back to the present by Elrohir, who gently placed a hand on her arm. She chided herself for having been lost in thoughts for so long. And for jumping at the light touch. She was very lucky neither one of her companions had noticed anything or that they were at least keeping silent about it.

"We have arrived," he informed her. He took his hand from her elbow, but stayed close to her. She allowed him to guide her despite not needing it; he had been nice to her throughout their entire walk. And she would need some champions if she wished to stay here without getting into any trouble.

She looked at the building they were heading toward. It was enormous, its gates reminded her of Eru Ilúvatar's with their words of welcome written on the metal. The trees were inside the construction, outside it. They surrounded it, yet did not smother it. The flowers followed their example. The scene breathed peace and serenity.

"It is beautiful," she finally managed to say. But it was far more than that. She felt as much at home as she would in Aman, her heart was telling her she belonged there. Why she was feeling this connected to this place she had never seen before was a riddle, yet it could only make her life easier.

Elladan gestured for the others to follow him, which they did. By the sour expression on his face Nienna could tell that Elrohir was not happy about it, but he complied none the less. She was sad to see that even four hours had not changed his mind.

"Our father is waiting for us at the door," Elladan told her. Nienna had already noticed this, as the Lord of the Valley was standing against the light stone of the Last Homely House as a dark statue. His black hair was almost indistinguishable from the cloak he was wearing.

They approached him. Nienna could sense the effort it took Elrond not to run towards his sons; it would be rather unseemly for a Lord to behave in such a way. Though Nienna thought his people would forgive him for it. Family was the most important thing in one's life, after all.

Elladan and Elrohir were also tempted to throw themselves into their father's arms. They refrained from doing so, albeit barely. Instead, they walked towards him as fast as they would without running, Elrohir still holding Nienna's elbow. She found that rather endearing, and she quite liked that he wasn't afraid to touch her.

As soon as they were within reach, Elrohir let go of Nienna so Elrond could embraced him and his brother. The three of them smiled, glad to be reunited. But they let go of each other quickly; there would be time for a proper greeting when they were alone that evening. There were other matter that needed to be dealt with first.

"Father, we brought a guest. This is Nienna," Elladan was the first to introduce her.

Elrond bowed his head in respect for the unexpected guest. He gestured for them to follow inside before speaking. Only now did Nienna realize the Lord of Imladris hadn't been as alone as she had thought. Two more Elves were waiting in the hallway, one with hair as black as the night and one with golden locks that reminded her of rays of sunlight. She knew the second one, as he had lived in Námo's halls for quite some time. His name was Glorfindel. The raven haired Elf was a stranger.

Glorfindel of the House of the Golden Flowers seemed to recognize her as well; his eyebrows rose, his mouth dropped open a little. In his eyes she could read a mixture of disbelieve and joy. They had been something close to friends while he had stayed with her brother.

"Nienna!" he said, completely forgetting that the others were unaware of their previous meetings and not caring that they were there. "I had no idea you were coming here! I cannot believe it!"

Nienna laughed at how young he sounded. Glorfindel had always had a young soul despite his gruesome fight with the Balrog and that was even more obvious in these serene surroundings than it had been in her brother's halls.

"I had no idea I would be coming this way. It is Eru's doing that I am here, not mine. It is good to see a familiar face here," she admitted. She was not normally this open, yet in front of Glorfindel it was not hard to be. And since he trusted these Elves, she felt like she could do the same.

Glorfindel then did something she had not expected: he enveloped her in a hug. Her first instinct was to freeze, but she pushed it down. He was doing what was natural to him, she simply wasn't accustomed to it.

"You are most welcome," Glorfindel assured her as he let go of her. His azure eyes twinkled with joy and she knew her eyes were a very clear shade of blue, which Glorfindel would know to mean she was happy.

"Indeed you are," Elrond chimed in. "But I am afraid you have caught me a little of guard. Fortunately, there are always rooms available. And whilst we show you to them, I would like to introduce you to the only member of our group you do not yet know. This is Erestor."

_So that is his name, _Nienna mused. The quiet Elf bowed his head much like Elrond had before. There was a feline grace behind the motion, a grace that surpassed that which every Elf was usually graced with.

"I am honoured to meet you. I am Glorfindel's friend and he often speaks of you. I am very glad I am being given the possibility to speak to you in person," he told her, looking into her eyes without any sign of the fear she usually inspired in Elves when she first met them. There was curiosity in them, something she liked to see.

They were by now standing in front of a dark wooden door, which Elrond pushed open. As they stepped inside, Nienna said:

"I am honoured to meet Glorfindel's friends as well. Mayhap I might learn something about him I do not yet know," she said, knowing full well Glorfindel would recognize her teasing for what it was.

"Have mercy! You know too much about me already, my Lady. It would not do me any favors should you learn more about me. I think this time I should try to find out more about you," he teased her in return.

Nienna laughed, turning her attention to Lord Elrond and the room they were in now. The bed was large, the covers green. The walls were the same light gray colour as the stone, but they were adorned by a few tapestries and paintings. There were green curtains covering the large windows as well. The wooden tables beside the bed were elegant and simple, as was the closet against the wall.

"It is beautiful," she said earnestly.

Elrond smiled at that, obviously pleased she liked the room. Elladan and Elrohir seemed glad as well, and they were standing a little closer together by now. For some reason she was glad to see it. But Elrohir could still not hide the emotional pain he was in.

"I suggest you make yourself at home here. I will sent Glorfindel to come and get you when it's time to have dinner. And everyone here will be glad to help should you have any questions," Elrond told her.

She bowed her head in thanks and they left her to settle in. Glorfindel squeezed her hand before leaving the room; Elladan bowed much like she had before; Elrohir touched her arm lightly; Erestor extended his hand, leaving it up to her to decide whether she wanted to shake it. She did, causing him to smile brightly.

As soon as she was alone, she walked over to the mirror. During her walk here, strands of her hair had slipped from her braid. Almost instinctively, she brought her hand up to redo it.

Fortunately, her dress had not suffered during the journey. It would do just fine to have dinner with the other inhabitants of the valley. She should find some other clothes, though. She could not very well wear the same clothes every day.

Maybe she should ask Glorfindel about it. He would no doubt be willing to take her to someone capable of making them for her. And he'd probably love to give his opinion on what she was wearing, cheeky bugger that he was.

Her train of thoughts was unexpectedly interrupted when she heard someone run past her door. By the sound of it, whoever it was, was crying. She used her gifts to find out who it was, and she was surprised to discover it was Elrohir. But only slightly, given the previous events.

She quickly pushed open her door, following the sound of him crying to locate him. He needed her help, and she was more than willing to give it to him. She only hoped he would let her.

The young Elf had not gotten very far. She found him in a corner three hallways from her rooms, leaning against the wall. His hands were buried in his hair, his head was resting on his knees. She suddenly realized the picture he was presenting had to be eerily similar to the one she presented to her brothers every year.

She sank down beside him, close enough to let him know she was there to help but not close enough to make him crawl away from her. She needn't have feared that, though, as he slowly allowed his head to come to rest against her shoulder.

"What is it that makes you cry? Your brother leaving? I heard you argue about that in the forest," she admitted.

If Elrohir was surprised by her confession, he did not show it. He simply stayed where he was, seeking comfort in her. She let him, trying to help him like her brothers had always helped her.

"Yes. I love him, Nienna. I love Elladan more than life itself. And now, he's going away to fight a group of Uruk-Hai that is still at large after the war. A group so large most of the Elves riding out will not return. It's suicide! And he doesn't think I matter enough to stay behind. He doesn't love me anymore, not in the way I love him," Elrohir cried.

So that was the problem, Nienna mused. Now she understood why Elrohir was so upset. Both brothers would have had a difficult time coming to terms with their feelings for one another. And now that they were finally happily together, Elladan was knowingly and willingly risking his life despite the fact he would hurt Elrohir terribly by leaving, let alone if he died.

"Your brother still loves you, pen-neth," she whispered. "I am certain of it. Talk to him about this. Don't argue, but talk. You'll see he's only doing this because he thinks he has no other choice."

Gradually, Elrohir's sobs slowed down and stopped. When he looked up at her again, his eyes were red but they held a spark of determination.

"Thank you, Nienna. I will take your advice and talk to him tonight. Because I hate arguing with him," Elrohir said.

Nienna rose before speaking again, pulling Elrohir with her. He allowed it, most likely because he didn't doubt she was strong enough to pull him to his feet.

"He doesn't like arguing with you either, I can tell. Now go, wash your face before dinner's served. Your father would be worried should he see you in this state," she gently admonished.

Elrohir nodded his agreement, disappearing without saying anything else.

When Nienna slid into her bed that evening, after having been introduced to the other inhabitants of Rivendell, she found herself thinking about both brothers. Elrohir had looked only marginally better during dinner and Elladan had looked just as bad.

"Tears are not always a good things. Continuing to cry over something you might lose without trying to hold on might cause you to lose it anyway. Continuing to cry over something you've lost can make you lose something you didn't realize you could have," she mumbled to herself.

Those words were Ulmo's. He told her this a few years ago, when he visited her on the same stone her brothers had pulled her off of not even a day ago. Only now did she understand he was right. What she didn't know, though, was why he had told her she might be losing something she didn't realize she could have.

Unable to fight sleep any longer, she slipped into the land of dreams. But even those dreams did not provide her with an answer to that question.


End file.
